About this time last year, my grandmother had a stroke. It was the first of what would be many trips to the hospital over the coming year, and happened around the same time I flew home for shoulder surgery. We were both down in the dumps, my mother running back and forth between the two of us for weeks, caring for and loving us as much as she possibly could.
After my surgery, I'd visit with Grandma where ever she was- this hospital, that hospital, dark rooms filled with the smell of medicine. On a particularly upsetting day, I decided to read to her as a distraction. We chose Three Short Moments in a Long Life, a small series by John L'Heureux, out of The New Yorker magazine. She was captivated; soaking in every word. At one point, she interrupted me to tell me how proud she was that I had written these stories. I reminded her that someone else had written them, I was only reading. It was then I knew I would lose her.
We only read 2/3 of those short stories. I promised her I would call from California and read to her over the phone, but I never did. I saw her once more before she died. Today, without her, I decided to read the third story. My tears overflow as the author fittingly describes his own year of suffering, his own death.
On that same day in the hospital, Grandma talked and talked, more than I had ever heard. She told me her life story, her fears, and how confused she was. She wished she could write down all her thoughts; to gather them, analyze them. I said I would write for her, if she just told me what she wanted to remember. We started planning a book, and though she entitled it "Sincerity; to be or not to be?", I'm not sure my grandmother ever struggled with this question. Her life, love, faith and devotion were always undoubtedly sincere.
I remember all this today because it is time for another transition in my life; my winter job is over, my belongings are packed in the car again and the future is uncertain. I'm finding the time to reflect on the last year of both our lives- how, coincidentally or through resolution, I have been my sincerest self to date. I'll credit a little of that to California sunshine, the mountains of Colorado, and the wisdom that comes with age; but Grandma gets most of the acclaim.
